Saturday, January 28, 2006

Coach Seneferu on the Africa Cup

It's my opinion that our national soccer team has traditionally been the physical laughing stock of Africa. In our Africa Cup matches, our players either take the beatings of their lives, or run out of breath before the end of the first half of the game. This is not because Egyptians are physically weak by nature (we built the pyramids!),

but because of bad management of the team. Players seem to be chosen by the managers according to their popularity and their connections (as the rest of the corruption in our country goes), and not as they properly should be - by professional scouts who should sweep the entire country in search for the most fit and skillful players who are worthy to represent our national team.

The result is that every time we play against the violent SOBs of the Maghreb (Morocco, Algeria and Tunisia), their players usually go straight for our players to knock them out, instead of for the football in the field. Although I haven't performed this sweeping scout of the Egyptian lands myself, I have while following the news found the perfect solution to this problem:

Egyptian state security thugs employed by the government to beat Egyptian protestors. The poor protestor in the strangle-hold is testament to their strength!

So coach Seneferu proposes that our government perform a national service by donating its esteemed thugs to the national football team, instead of using them to beat Egyptian protestors who are calling for reform. This way we can make a special B-team of thugs to face the teams of the Maghreb, while exchanging them for our proper players to play in the matches against our more civilized brethren from sub-Saharan Africa. Yes our players will still run out of breath half-way through the game, but it is just a temporary solution until our scouts professionally train the more physically fit and skillful youth throughout the land.

What? You think my proposals unwise? Then how about when you see...this:


Luckily our team managers seem to have finally realized that Hazem Imam is not Africa Cup material, and haven't included him this time in our team. Our team is different this time, but until real systematic changes are made in the way our players are selected, we can only afford to cross our fingers.

Let me know what you think!:-)

1 comment:

Seneferu said...

I wrote this post before the Egypt-Cote d'Ivoire match (Egypt won 3-1). But keeping in mind the inconsistency of our team, coach Seneferu's recommendations still stand.

Perhaps if I delete the first line...;-)